Today, I looked into the eyes of a young teenage girl who has been living in incredible amounts of fear. She has fear of teenage boys and fear of her father.  Add the normal fear of peers at that age, and fear of adults not understanding her. This fear was so great that it was affecting all areas of her life. The only solution she could imagine was causing her self pain. This young girl recently crossed over from middle school age to high school age. 

It was so sad to hear how she was used by these older boys she knew took advantage of her physically, sexually and mentally. This happened a couple of years ago and she is just now coming forward to tell someone because of naïveté, lack of who she can trust, and fear of being in trouble, or even physically disciplined by her father, for what these boys did to her. She was unaware of what it was exactly that was happening to her just a couple of years ago, but has reached a point of understanding the seriousness and intensity of this incident that happened to her.

At the Sally Mann exhibit, I remember mentioning that this artist’s photographs were sensuous of her children, but not blatantly sexual. However, I cannot argue the eeriness and somewhat disturbing feel that the photographs posses. I also remember bringing up how it really challenges my thinking about at what age it is deemed “okay” and acceptable, or even expecting for one to be “sexual”.  Innocence seems to not be a valuable quality in our current culture. Once on is a “certain age” innocence is dismissed as a prude or unworthy virtue. So teenagers go to a staggering number of experiences through which they get rid of or “lose” it. The alarming thing is some lose this against their will!

I finally arrived at an answer for when one loses innocence. I cannot help but make the analogy of the Biblical story of Adam and Eve in the Garden when they ate the apple from the tree of knowledge. It was then that it states, “his and her eyes were opened.” They were aware that there is good and evil, wrong and right, positive and negative. With this knowledge they were afraid and ran.  This concept of good and evil is not limited to Christianity. Most religions I am aware of are based on the constant search of good and evil and knowledge between those two forces. And the struggle and conflict that occurs to try to understand them.

Relating this back to a teenager, I feel that that story hold the answer to my question. It is when children are making that transition from childhood into adulthood, from innocent to aware. As a teenager, that is why it is so gosh darn awkward and scary. One now knows that there is good and bad, but they are trying to figure out what that means. What is right and what is wrong? Who are they? They are now trying to redefine not only themselves, but also life altogether and how they fit in it.

This poor girl is now realizing that what these boys did to her is not good, and it is not okay. She has lost her innocence because someone threatened her into thinking that she needs to do certain thing for guys in order to be desirable. What is even worse, she thinks it is still her fault and that this is “normal.”

Is there recognition that people can be sexual beings with out being sexual objects? That a person can be sexual and moral at the same time? Heck why is innocence frowned upon so much after that certain age? And most importantly, how are we raising children? Adults should not raise children they should raise adults.

While this young girl’s story is not my own, I do feel as though I can relate to her because I have unfortunately watched things like this happen to me friends and family. I feel in a lot of ways that I am very naive for my age sometimes. Not unwise, unintelligent, not stupid, but in an innocent nature. I feel that recent life events have proved to me that older people, namely men, have and can take advantage of me because of that quality. But it is looked upon as inexperienced. I find it sick that my life hard ships are what build my resume in credibility. The fact that I am measured by the number of and type of bad experience I have been through, is awful. My first impression that seems to be read is that I am innocent, which means people are very choosy of their language, conversation topics, and almost juvenile in their social interaction. But once I have shared a tough time, then it is suddenly okay to talk about other, more explicit topics.  Sure, there is no denying the relatabaility of experiences, but not all life experience has to be so negative in order to be valuable.  

The very fact that people preach about Sally Mann’s photographs being offensive, but people practically wish an extreme traumatic experience on their youth is absolutely unsettling to me. The fact that one needs to “grow thick skin” if they want to make it in this world, is sickening. This is one very strong reason that I would not want to have kids today, because I do not want my child lead by, or even in company of, the people who I have experienced (first hand or second hand through loved ones).