acquisition and observation

This week, there are many things I could blog about, mid term critiques, the opening show of "Sex Drive" at the Atlanta Contemporary Art Center and open studios Friday night which our professor, Forest, was part of. But I will continue with my theme of acquisition and observation.  There was one statement in particular that Forest mentioned during the first couple of class periods that has stuck with me and I have continued to ponder. We were talking about the blogs for class and personal websites. Then Forest mentioned someone he knows that will not consider anyone's work or look at their portfolio if they did not have their own personal website; Because if they did not have their own site, then they do no take themselves or their career seriously, so why should he. I do not want to misquote but this is the essence of the statement that stuck with me. To me, I thought that was not a fair accusation. Why should I be forced to participate in this technology ------ in order to be taken seriously? To me there is a lot more that goes into being "professional" than a silly site that all I do is sit on by lazy butt and update the world (who really doesn't care about me), about myself, my day, my pretty pictures, blah blah blah. Now, I realize that this statement seems really 'old' coming from somebody my age. I mean really, I am in my twenties, young, and consumed by social media....well, should be.But I feel that social media is what it is ...social...it should be social....optional....
Today, I feel the pressure to not only have multiple talents, roles, abilities, but to have them in many different places. I feel constantly burdened by upholding facades for me, my family, the live public, and also now this alternate reality, webspace. The pictures I show of my self have to be of upmost quality, showing all my best attributes. The images and texts need to be flawlessly exhibited to show my education and competence. When I am out amongst live people, the clothes I wear, my language, my body language all have to be in tip top shape. I have to "look" good in the eyes of all who see me, live or online. 
      I know this sounds 'old fashioned' for a late twenty somethings to talk about. But it just adds to my personal confusion of roles and more specifically, my roles in life. My grandpappy taught me when I was very young the difference between vanity and taking pride in ones appearance. When you take pride in your appearance, one is taking pride in themselves. When one becomes vain, then one is so focused on themselves to the point of obsession. 
     I wonder if this online identity is pride or vanity in oneself?


     I realized that this is related to my work theme. From my point of view, there is the constant pressure on (young people in general) to move away from where you grew up and become 'successful' and 'educated' and make everyone 'proud'.  Now from my female perspective things get even more complicated. I could aspire to become 'successful' by living a high paced 'business' type work life, making money, wearing expensive clothes, and enjoying life in the city. Or I could find the love of my life, get married, move away, have children, be a mother, stay at home, take them to activities, etc. 
     I have noticed that this is a major debate on current talk shows. the polar debate of whether women should be working or stay at home. Both sides of the debate get pretty heated. 
     I do not know why I thought that I would be some magical exception to this issue. That I would be able to just live gloriously in the middle ground of these lifestyles, please all parties, and be happy. Maybe I was extremely naive or just plain clueless. I genuinely thought that I would be able to find what is is that I want to do, do it well, and it would make me happy in return. 
    Instead, I am realizing a lot of different interests that are all so vastly different, ones that do not seemingly fit together in one person's life. I have some people that try to talk me down from seemingly 'far fetched' dreams to more 'practical' and 'sensible' choices.  then I have other parties scolding me for my low standard work ethic, and want to push me to do MORE with my life. 
    Where is this happy medium that I was so certain I would not only find, but create?
     What is a girl to do?
     I have seen the patterns over history and generations ago of "the ideal woman." Granted I, like everyone, have very unique filters through which I have learned about and been taught to behave, act, dress, appear, etc. But because they are so deeply ingrained in me, those measuring standards are hard to let go of. Instead, the "ideal" standards are added to. There is the older standard that women such as Cindy Sherman and women of her time faced to change to the 'new woman'. The 'new woman' has now evolved into 'the modern woman'.   The Modern Woman seems to be able to live her life in balance of family, work, friends, social, pleasure, etc. And in that order. But who exactly is the role model for this? When women become too 'successful', she is scolded for not being a good mom, or wife. So we are still contradicting our own societal standards! Not just changing, contradicting! 
      My mother is an example of a woman who has lived through decades of evolving women. Born in the 50’s she has seen the ‘Mrs. Cleaver’ woman, ‘That Girl’, ‘Mary-Tyler Moore’, fast forward to now. Which reiterates the question, who is the modern woman?
     For me, both in real life and in my quarter's work, the challenge I feel is which standards of ideal woman do I hold on to, and which ones do I let evolve into the modern woman?